Gucci? Fendi? Prada?

Gucci?

Fendi?

Prada?

I bounced anxiously from store to store in search of the perfect handbag. One that would exemplify all my ideals and represent me for exactly who I am. You see, I was weighing all my options, taking into consideration all the little things about each of them: what size, what color, how many zippered pockets, how many inside pockets, how it matched with my current outfit, my current attitude, my current life. I weighed in how this fit into society and naturally I gave society a chance to weigh in on my decision by evaluating what they would all think of my decision. I bounced from store to store in a desperate attempt at a decision: go with Gucci and kill off the possibility of ever having Fendi or Prada. Or deign Prada and never again have access to Fendi or Gucci?

I knew this decision would forever alter my life and once made I would never again be able to come to this point in life. I would never again have this opportunity which is why it is so crucial I not only make a decision, with all the factors weighed in, but also that I make just the right decision. Right in the eyes of who? I had no idea but it had to be right nonetheless.

At last, I crumbled to a heap on the space between the stores, overwhelmed, exhausted and unable to think anymore. I couldn’t decide just yet. You know what?!? I wasn’t ready. That’s it, I wasn’t ready to decide. I just need more time, more time to think and then I’ll truly be ready and able to make a decision. Renewed with energy I gathered my empty hands and unchanged life and sprang out with new zest. I was going to think! When I was ready I would make a decision. Whew! I just saved myself from really making a wrong, bad, horrible awful decision and now? Now I was free to do nothing, have nothing, allow nothing to change and just forever be stuck in my thinking place.

Funny enough, we wish that’s how life came at us, but generally we’re stuck with Fendi- take it or leave it. It’s only the few times in life when we are left to choose between more than one option that we become completely immobile, often leaving us with nothing because it’s just too overwhelming to choose and we always could use a little more time to think right? I mean who wants to be stuck with the problem of the ‘wrong’ choice.  My only perspective is what if we didn’t make decisions but we just made the choice to accept life right as it’s coming at us.? This is what I’m taking on over the remainder of 2010 and over the course of the rest of my life.

Prada- choose. Okay, I’ll choose Prada.

For me, what that looks like, is life comes at me from many different angles, at all different speeds, some which I love and some of which I naturally wish was otherwise but that’s just life being life. That’s all it knows to do. What I’m doing is choosing it.

Single at 30 years old? Okay, I choose that.

Childless? Okay, I’ll choose that.

Living 3000 miles from my family in a city I love but a distance I wish wasn’t quite as large? Okay, I’ll choose that.

It goes on, life coming and me choosing it. Even when there is no Fendi or Gucci to choose between. The power for me lies in choosing what life’s offering as opposed to struggling against it, resisting it, pretending it’s not there or falling in an exhausted and frustrated heap when I don’t see the choice I want.

For me the power is in the choosing. Choosing life exactly the way it comes. For what it is and even for what it isn’t.

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