She WAS Your Girlfriend

Dear John, 

There’s is a difference between a girlfriend and a girl you were just dating. There is an unwritten rule somewhere, somehow that says you have a bigger obligation to an amicable breakup than you do to maintaining peace with the woman you just went on a few dates with.  Here are 5 things that might be allowed if you only a dated a few times but are definitely not allowed if you were in an actual relationship:

5. Not sending her a birthday card– I mean, when you really think about it you only went on a couple dates in August, she mentions that her birthday is in December. You are under no obligation whatsoever to retain that to memory. Now, if that was your girlfriend and you dated for a year or longer that means you clearly celebrated a birthday with her and have no excuse to now let her birthday pass. If you were a quality boyfriend you probably took her out for her birthday which means the date is even on your credit card statement! There’s no reason you can’t remember to send her a birthday message when the day comes around.

4. Deleting her off Facebook- If you only went on a couple dates there’s a very good chance the way you met her was through Facebook or Twitter or Linkedin or any of the other many social sites people use nowadays to “network”. So, of course when you don’t need to poke, flirt, kiss or otherwise digitally get her attention anymore you can delete her. She probably won’t even notice. Now, if she was your girlfriend there was definitely a status change involved and suddenly your page was linked to hers. For a period of time every picture posted had the two of you in it, every status message was about things you two were doing together and included lovey messages about how lucky you are to have found one another. Your profile picture was one of the two of you gazing into one another’s eyes on Valentine’s Day. She’s gonna notice when you delete her. Particularly because Facebook so charmingly sends a message to your page that says: HE is not longer in a relationship with YOU.

3. E-mailing her instead of calling her– If you only dated a few times it’s a given that there are no issues that can’t be addressed through e-mail. If for some reason you need to contact her but don’t necessarily feel like getting on the phone with her, just send her an e-mail, text or bbm, she’ll understand. However, with the EX-girlfriend there are all kinds of issues that need to be addressed and cleaned up after a breakup. Everything from come get your stuff out of my house to get out of my house to you get to keep the house. None of which can be addressed through an email, text or bbm. It may not be first on your list of things you want to do today but pick up the phone and call her when it’s time to tell her you’re going to keep the puppy you two bought and once loved and adored together but she can take the bed.

2. Bringing the NEW girlfriend to a mutual friend’s party– If you only went on a couple dates do you even have mutual friends? Well regardless, chances are she’ll be there with someone on her arm as well. Maybe now you can double date! The EX-girlfriend is not going to have someone else on her arm. In fact, she knows she’s going to see you tonight and will take care to look her absolute best. She may even wear your favorite color or those earrings you like on her so much or wear her hair the way you like it. She’ll be nervous before she even leaves the house and glancing toward the door every time someone walks in trying to position herself so she’ll see you as soon as you walk in. Much to her surprise her heart will do a little flip the moment she lays eyes upon you and then quickly plummet to the ground when she sees you’ve brought the new girlfriend. Your friends will all be awkward, unable to make eye contact with either of you while trying to pretend it’s perfectly normal to see you with someone new and to see her in a corner sobbing. Not a good situation for anyone involved.

And the number 1 thing you can ONLY try and get away with if you dated but NOT if you were in a relationship:

1. Ignoring your now EX-girlfriend in front of her mother: I mean, you barely know the girl’s last name and in fact you can’t ever remember her actually mentioning a mother so you would have no way of knowing that slightly older version of her that she’s with is actually her mother. While ignoring her isn’t exactly the most mature and admirable thing to do in any situation you’ve decided it must be done and so what if it happened to be in front of the woman that brought her into this world? Now, if you were in a relationship, that was your GIRL, you looooved this woman–you know good and well that’s her mother when you happen to run into the two of them. Over the course of the time you were together you probably went to dinner with her family, may have even been a complete gentleman and picked up the check. You sent them gifts and a card on the holidays, you called to wish her mother to wish her a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. So, here they are in front of you and for reasons only you can justify you find it important to not only ignore your EX-girlfriend but her mother too? That sounds like the beginning of a SNAPPED episode.

Just a little advice for the fellas. I know breakups are hard and it’s true she WAS your girlfriend but there are always going to be a few minor rules to abide by with that EX. Keeping these things in mind will go a long way in preventing your tires mysteriously being slashed, your car window bashed in with a brick and your car keyed for the 8th time in as many days.

I’m just sayin’.

Love Always,



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