Never Again

Dear Battered Woman,

I am saddened by your silence and overwhelmed by a desire to give you a voice but I know that is a voice you have to find for yourself. That despite the intentions you may have for wanting to get out, they will be null and void if you don’t accept the support that fully surrounds you and dig deep within you to find a will to live that supersedes your desire to believe it was an accident, it won’t happen again and that’s he’s sorry.

Oh so sorry Baby.

According to the  Bureau of Justice Statistics Factbook only about 1/2 of domestic violence incidents are reported in the US, with African-American women reporting the fewest.

A study last year by a sociologist, Garland F. White of Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Va., and reports from shelters for battered women indicate a link between a higher incidence of domestic violence and holidays, especially Super Bowl Sunday.

I just want you to know, I know.

Never Again

“You’ll never see me again.”

I warn, my deep brown eyes pressing into your hazel eyes spattered with droppings of gold,

Eyes that bore into me, unable to see the truth that filled my words.

Clouded by the hatred that started in your mind,

Infiltrated your heart,

Dispensed out of every pore in your body,

Emitting an indelible stench I kept hoping would be perfumed by the love I insisted on bathing you in.

Never again will you hold me in your arms,

Promising to protect me from all the pains of the world,

Providing me with a comfort I believed I would never be without.

Gone are the lazy Saturdays spent making plans about our future.

Blankets in the sun isolating us to an island where all our wrongs could be righted,

All the pain erased.

That smile reserved for you is permanently forsaken,

Forgotten in light of a fear that floods my heart every time your shadow darkens a room we tried repeatedly to make our first child in.

Never again will you brush away the tears from my high cheekbones,

Instead you hatefully sprinkle them there mixing in with thousands of unborn

Children you’ve spewed onto my face in a fit of rage.

“This is a final good-bye.”

I plead, the tentacles of my heart reaching out in a desperate attempt to soothe away the hurt and anger turning your heart to Teflon.

Only to be smacked, kicked, choked into silence that speaks louder than all the screaming you’ve ever done.

Your serene persona replaced by murderous attempts and a delight in a tortuous revenge.

Good-bye to the hope that once imprisoned me,

Holding me hostage to the belief you would be head of my family,

The hope that I could relax in knowing I would have to look no longer.

Bound instead by the unvarying trepidation I wouldn’t be able to escape,

My every route met head on by your hulking presence,

Fear embedded in my heart that our first child would end up being the result of rape.

Good-bye to the friendship that led us to trust one another,

Secure in knowing we would never again feel the void of being one without the other.

Good-bye to the three-hour conversations only to hang up and call right back with reminders of love that flowed everlasting between us.

The cards bought in supermarkets that always seemed to be laced with superlatives yanked directly out of our hearts and poured onto cardstock.

“This is how we’ll always remember our last moment together.”

Not the moments spent sitting out on the balcony watching the sun color the sky around us as it surrendered into the night,

Our bodies intertwined as a mere symbol of the way our lives could scarcely stand to be surgically separated.

Not the moments of pledged adoration,

Celebrating what we knew would last forever,

In a time capsule controlled by the beating of our two hearts in unison.

Rather, the moments of a mouth well-versed in profanity,

Giving shame even to the many animals those names were meant to be reserved for.

The moments of abandonment, flashing between turning your back and diving the knife deeper into my side.

The moments your fury turned an act so beautiful into one that caused me to pledge I would never again imbibe.

“You’ll never see me again.”

Never.

Again.

Never again will your knees press into my chest, the full weight of your 200-pound body causing my esophagus to work like an empty asthma inhaler.

Never again will you hold clumps of my hair in the grip of your fist,

The same fist that slams into the small of my back as I struggle to flee.

As I struggle to flee your ire.

Never again.

And.

Never again will I apologize for loving you so deeply I wanted nothing to hurt you.

Never again will I trust you, believing you loved me unconditionally,

Able to love me through any flaw in character,

Or imperfection in a past that you weren’t apart of.

Never again.

I’m able to find peace at night because I know I’ll never see you again.

 

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  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sunny Dee, Sunny Dee. Sunny Dee said: The incidents of domestic violence increase during the holiday seasons. Never Again « Sealed with A Kiss – http://goo.gl/e0J62 #blogchat […]



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