Not That Chick


Dear Normal Chicks,

How do you do it? I mean really, what is your secret? I keep trying and trying and it never fails, I keep finding out I am just not that chick.

Which chick you ask? The normal one.

Let me give you the scenario:

I have had the same guy best friend for as long as I can remember that I’ve been able to have platonic friendships with men. We’ve given each other all kinds of categorical names that range from: best friend to brother/sister to velcro twins but it boils down to the same: we’re inseparable. Then he gets a girlfriend. He’s dated girls here and there and at different points I’ve either loved and girl and wanted it to work out or hated her and been secretly pushing pins into her voodoo doll in the crevices of late night ceremonial exercises.  This is different though, he has named this girl as his and could basically care less whether I approve or don’t approve. This is the reality and I can either love it or leave it.

It comes down to the night he invites me out for dinner with him and the girlfriend for the very first time and as I’m walking to the restaurant I’m meeting them at I always know I have one of two options:

I can either slide into the table and lovingly embrace her hand in mine, hanging on to her every word as a I get to know her and exchange approving glances with my best friend as I fully welcome the embracing of her into our lives.


I can slide into the table and cross my arms and my legs in the same motion and wait for her to woo me over and make her try very hard to share herself with me, all the while trying to impress her man’s best friend and hopefully be accepted into our lives.

Either way, there’s a clear and definitive title of being the best friends and for normal girls they know this and they are confident and clear that their male best friend has made it very clear with his new boo the importance of our relationship and that while there may be adjustments, I’m not going anywhere and part of their being together is going to have to be accepting that inevitability. For the normal chick it really doesn’t matter how she behaves at that first dinner, either are acceptable because it’s clear that I was the number one chick long before you came about and it’s normal to either be so happy for him to find someone or fiercely protective of any woman who comes into his life and expects to be able to do a better job than I’ve been doing over the past number of years.

That being said…It’s this weird thing…I don’t do either of those…

I do a combination of the two that usually ends like me seeming weird and him wanting to disassociate himself with me as quickly as possible and not only pretend that introduction evening never occurred but also pretend that his relationship to such a weird trick is far more inconsequential than it actually is. I go to dinner and the whole way over there I think about how if I love her I’m going to fully embrace her and if I don’t I’m going to fully reject her. Then I get there and I extend my hand lovingly and swear I’m so happy to meet her and then I ignore her and my best friend for the rest of the evening. They engage in conversation with one another because who else will they talk to and I get artfully engaged with people around me, my phone, my social networks or even my own thoughts, making the whole interaction awkwardly confusing. Then there’s usually some point in the evening when she does something disgusting like feed him or make gaga eyes at him and I get pissed off and pull out my pouty, jealous girl routine making the whole interaction even more awkward and confusing.

Time and again I find that no matter how hard I try I am just consistently not that chick. I mean to be, I think I will be and it always turns out I’m just not.

Love Always,



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