High School on Steroids

Dear High School,

As I walked across that stage on the final day of High School in the Spring of 1999 I couldn’t wait to make the long-awaited escape into the real world and away from you. I took a deep breath and looked out at the promise of the horizon that stretched before me. Full of possibility, full of promise, full of new life, full of every dream that would be fulfilled. I took each step confident and secure that I was leaving behind the most difficult part of my life.

Graduation Day

Forever leaving you behind.

Fast-forward 12 years and I’m shocked to find myself in another version of high school. In fact, it’s high school on steroids! Just as Cali said in the first episode of the third season of Grey’s Anatomy: 

Four years of high school, four years of college, four years of med school. By the time we graduate we’re in our late 20s and we’ve never done anything except go to school and think about science. Time stops. We’re socially retarded. Ha, I mean, look at me, I’m in love with a guy who won’t say he loves me back and here I am, in his kitchen, just hoping he comes home and notices me. I’m that girl, who sits in the back of the class and eats her hair. And Meredith, she’s 17 years old, we’re all 17 years old. This is high school with scalpels, Finn.

In this new cast of life, no matter where you go there are the usual top 5 suspects.

1. The Jock

He’s the guy that’s consistently the star of every show. Even though he’s been off the court now for 20 years and will likely only see the court again with the help of plenty of Ben-Gay and both ankles wrapped while both knee braces are securely in place, he’s the star of every other show. When you walk into any Happy Hour he’s the one that takes it from a mature gathering of adults standing around drinking and trying to avoid talking about work to a loud social gathering, starting with a challenge to take shots. Behind the scenes he has his own personal cheering section and instead of offering to do his homework for him and inviting him to rainbow parties behind the bleachers we’re staying late at work for him so he can rush home to be with his family while still meeting all of his deadlines. AND he’s still being invited to a rainbow party or two.


2. The Mean Girls

The group of girls that have been friends since long before you came along and are not willing to allow you into their crowd. Although if ever one of them is alone they’re willing to give you a smile and engage in small talk for a few minutes so as not to look alone. This group of girls has claim to all the previously mentioned jocks and if they’re not currently dating one of them, he’s their ex and they have a strong rule against anyone else dating their ex, or having a conversation with him or even looking in his direction. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been tortured by a Mean Girl. It’s just as horrifying whether you’re 15 or 30.

Mean Girls

3. The Cool Crowd

They’ve been friends like… they’re whole life and every opportunity for a photo opportunity they all scream and crowd together alternating pointing at the camera and pointing at each other in approval. This is the group that’s alway at every event and every function and the reason they all know to show up is because they’re on an e-mail listserv that you don’t belong to. So, the times when you manage to show up to the same place at the same time as them it’s always a good time but otherwise you spend a lot of time wondering where everyone is  while you’re at home soaking in the bathtub on a Friday night, struggling to keep your eyes open past 9pm. You also always seem to end up on the other side of the camera so there’s no evidence that you actually even know the group of people who make work most enjoyable… to each other.

Cool Crowd

4. The Power Couple

Separate they are two of the most attractive people at work but together they make this unbelievably powerful couple that you can only stare at, green with envy as they walk the halls of the office. We all stand by with ink-stains on our hands and that lukewarm cup of coffee in hand as they seamlessly steal the hearts of all those around them with their way of finishing each other’s sentence, always in silent agreement with the other and together they can accomplish things it takes most of us a year to even begin. When she’s not around it always seems like he holds our eye an extra minute during the staff meeting or asks for our sound professional advice on his latest project and our heart can’t help but skip a beat. That is. until the end of the day comes and we look up from where we sit at our desk furiously pounding out an order for tonight’s dinner on delivery.com and see the two of them leaving the office hand-in-hand.

Cute Couple

5. The Nerdy Girl

Oh yes… even 15 years later we still exist. We’re the ones with the pile of books in hand, always up on the latest research, making the smartest comment at staff meetings and alone. Always alone. At any given point we’ve fantasized that our boss will notice us and acknowledge our hard work in a staff meeting or give us the next major project. We’re the ones watching the power couple while mentally making a decision between chinese or mexican takeout for dinner that night. Smartest, fastest, most dedicated to our work we also continue to be the most ignored in the office. Just…like…high…school.

Nerdy Girl

Love Always,


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